Seven Months

We are sitting on the couch, Tarah is struggling not to go to sleep. He leaves in a few hours and I am not one bit sad…for me. I feel so much pain for her and him. I could never imagine spending seven months without my baby girl and here he is facing that inevitability. He must be going through hell! We haven’t even gotten to the final goodbyes and he is in so much pain. She has no clue what is about to happen but it affects her so much. He will miss her first steps, her first birthday and her first real words. She will miss playing with him and cuddling with him. I will miss him, too but to be separated from a child is so much worse. We have Skype but how can that possibly take the place of physical touch; those amazing kisses and hugs from her that makes the world better.

I am so glad this is a short deployment (his previous ones were 15 and 12 months). She will be 3 or 4 months past her first birthday. On the positive side he will not miss her second Christmas and she is at the super-resilient stage so things will be back to where they were before he left in just a few days. I am lucky because I have her to come home to everyday.

On a selfish note…I am not sure he will miss me much at all and that causes me a little sadness. That’s okay though because I wouldn’t expect any less from a good daddy then to dwell on missing his first child rather than his wife. I feel like I have wished a lot of my life away since we met and that feels so wrong but here I go again. Please let this time go fast!

Changes

My husband and I are set to begin our third deployment within the next week. It will be shorter than the previous and with the drawing down of troops in Afghanistan, we may not be subject to another for a long time. I am the kind of person who needs to be very near a situation to believe it is real and to begin feeling the effects. I have been feeling them strongly within the last week.

This deployment is different. We have an eight month old beautiful baby girl and just moved into a new house. I am still working on my masters and am really not enjoying my work situation. I feel bad for my husband and daughter more than anything else. He will be missing things that will only happen once and she will not have him to play and laugh with for around eight months, which is light years for an infant. We have only been away from her for one night. I couldn’t imagine missing that long without going crazy, literally.

I am beyond lucky, however. My mom is coming to live with me. She will take care of our daughter and help me with the house. Meanwhile, I will maintain the same amount of time working at school and working on my masters. I put my name on the transfer list and will more than likely be working somewhere new for the first time in my career. Top that with learning a whole new set of standards and one might wonder when things will settle down again. I am gonna go with ten months.

This is when I am grateful that I was an army brat. Change isn’t terrifying but exhilarating while still just a bit scary.

I cannot put into words how much I am gonna miss my best friend and the person who tries hard to take some of my stress away! Tarah and I will hold it down here while you hold it down over there. We got this! We love you, daddy!

Me in Crisis

I thought education was in crisis and it is.  That, however, has lead to a personal crisis.  I began working on my master’s in Curriculum and Instruction.  this is a degree that would keep me in education the rest of my life in some form or another.  Pair that with the worst professional year of my life and my first pregnancy and you have one chick who is seriously reevaluating her choices.  Don’t get me wrong, the pregnancy is a wonderful thing.  It was planned and has just about worked out better than I could have imagined. 

I think a lot of the thoughts I am having are centered around the pregnancy.  I give all of my life to teaching for nine months every year.  I get very little in return and that includes pay.  I haven’t seen a raise for three, going on four, years and have actually seen my paycheck decline over the last few months.  Why?  I really don’t know.  I see people who are able to leave campus at three or three-thirty each day and I marvel.  How are they keeping up?  I don’t have a child yet and keeping up with college class and the classes I teach leaves no time for me.  When I have my child, I refuse to let her take the back burner.  I have a paratrooper for a husband and we know he will be gone sometimes.  I cannot let school overtake the only person in her life who is able to be there consistently.  The question is, do I stop now or do I wait one year when I can get $5000 taken off my overwhelming student loans?  I wish I could leave now, but I know how much that $5000 will help in paying down those loans.  The bottom line is I have one more year, and in that year I better figure out what to do with an education degree and whether to continue my pursuit of a master’s in any form of education.  If anyone has ideas, I am open!  I have put the master’s on hold as of today in the middle of a course.  That is something I would never have done in the past, but stress is taking over and I do not want to live the last month and a half of my pregnancy hating everything around me except my pregnancy.  That is such a bad environment for a baby in, and out of, the womb.

I would love to hear from people who are thinking about leaving education (and in the current climate, there are plenty), as well as those who left the classroom but are still able to use the degrees they have earned in their new fields.

Education in Crisis (Part II)

A few days ago I wrote the first part to this blog.  In it, I blamed the American culture and parents for the failure of education.  I still stick by that.  However, as I have reflected on my own beliefs about education, I have realized that the teachers, administrators, public officials, etc., are failing as well.  I will not put the blame squarely on teachers.  What teachers do now is almost militaristic.  We are told what to teach, how to teach, and how long to teach each concept.  We have lost our drive to actually teach.  This is mostly the fault of those who are in power.  This society is so hell-bent on testing and accountability, they have forgotten that the students are the customers, not the politicians, not even the parents.

Teachers:  You are to blame because you have done nothing to help fix the situation.  You are not trying to organize and tell politicians that we know better.  Don’t we?  We are the ones in the classroom.  We know that every student does not learn at the same pace.  We know that mastery learning does not occur because we have to be done teaching by May in order to be ready for the test.  We know that 28-30 students in one classroom with one teacher is not conducive to learning.  Yet, we have chosen to complain among ourselves but do nothing constructive about it.  I am guilty, too.  I know we are busy with our career, our family, our personal quest for education but if we don’t join voices, we will never be heard.

I am so tired of hearing about “research-based practices.”  Do I think we should be using them?  Yes!  But you can’t pick and chose when to use research and when not to.  Research proves that high class-size is harmful to achievement.  Research shows that multiple choice testing is actually a hindrance to children learning real world skills and problem-solving.  Research shows that students at certain ages aren’t developmentally ready for certain skills (fractions in elementary school, for instance) yet we are required to teach those skills.  Research shows that teaching for depth and mastery is much more effective than “covering” a concept yet we have hundreds of objectives to teach in each subject each year.  Research show that rote learning without meaning is worthless.  The knowledge only lasts a short time and is not transferable to other situations, however, some teachers still use memorization as a tool.  By the way, learning math facts is a research-proven strategy, however, the basics needs to be taught before memorizing the facts (students need to understand what multiplication is before memorizing their times tables). 

The only purpose for standardized testing is to hold teachers, schools, and systems accountable.  Are they being held accountable for student learning?  No, they are being held accountable for whether the students they taught can pass a standardized test.  A student thinks if they pass this test, they are ready to move on.  They aren’t, plain and simple. 

Our main job is to raise children who are life-long learners, critical thinkers, and problem solvers.  This is not happening.  Our culture, our current system, and our current leaders do not allow us to teach in this way. 

How do we get the word out?  How do we help politicians understand the disservice that is being done to the American education system?  We need a common voice.  We need to be heard.  How can we do that?  Do you have an idea?  Tell me about it.  I am doing what I know.  I am blogging and I have started a group called “American Teachers UNITED” on Facebook.  No one has joined yet.  I know my readership is small but we can build a movement.  Do you want to be the solution, or part of the problem.  LET’S JOIN TOGETHER!  LET’S UNITE to fix American education.

Education in Crisis

What is wrong with education today?  That seems to be the question on everyone’s tongue, including Oprah’s.  If Oprah is saying it, it must be true, right?  The movie Waiting on Superman, is sweeping the nation right now.  I haven’t seen it yet, but I get the gist.  It is about a few small areas where the education system is so corrupt that students and parents have to bet on luck for their child to get a good education.  This is in the form of lotteries for students to attend charter schools.  I can’t speak for those areas, but I feel I can speak for middle America. 

I can tell you what is NOT wrong with education.  Teacher pay has no bearing on whether the education system is working.  Should we get paid more?  YES!  We do the jobs of several people throughout the school day, we continue our education despite the lack of time to do so, and we get professional degrees and are still not considered professionals.  We are in the only profession where it is expected that you will give up the majority of your free time working on professional activities.  That being said, our pay does not affect the level of education children are receiving in this country. 

Another thing that is NOT affecting education is tenure.  I work in a right to work state so tenure isn’t quite the same as it is in unionized states but we have a form of it.  Tenure has been around for a very long time, long before America started believing education was failing. 

You ask, “So then, what IS wrong in education today?”  The system has its flaws, yes, but let’s look at statistics straight from the movie Waiting on Superman.  The movie states that the United States ranks 25th in math, 21st in science, and 1st in confidence.  Is that just an education problem?  I don’t think so.  If you are older than 30, you grew up in a different culture.  You were not raised to believe that everything you do was wonderful and you were the best at it.  You were taught to fight for what you wanted and go after your dreams.  After all, they won’t just fall into your lap. 

The WHOLE American culture is corrupt.  In schools, we coddle students.  We modify their work so that it is easier for them (and not just for students who have IEPs).  We condemn competition because feelings might get hurt.  This is not just in schools.  Parents are just as much to blame.  Parental culture is now, “My child would never do something like that!” or “What can the teacher do to help my child more?”  Whatever happened to the support that parents used to give the education system?  Now if their child doesn’t win an award on award’s day, even though the child is failing every subject and could care less about anything, the parent marches to the office and demands the teacher’s head on a platter.  Parents used to march to the school to talk to the teacher about a poor grade and find out why the student did poorly and what could be done at home to fix the situation.  Now students can bring knives to school and be suspended for one day and play video games that entire day. 

If you are aged thirty or over, you had to gain your confidence throughout life, earn it even.  Now children are told from day one that they are the best.  Healthy competition was okay in school and teachers had some rights.  Oh, and parents had some authority over their children.  Now parents want to be their child’s friend.  America is soft, people!  We have developed a culture of talking instead of doing. 

Well, teachers, its time to get to the doing!  It’s time to start a grass roots movement.  It is time to demand our professional status, our fair pay, and our creativity back, not to mention our authority.  The “Blame Teacher’s First” culture is doing nothing to fix the problems faced in education each day.  We are in the trenches and we know exactly what is going on.  It is time to open the eyes of those who only see statistics and movies.  Join the group “American Teachers UNITED” on Facebook.  We lose good teachers because there is no common voice.  Let’s start the common voice today!

Been Awhile…

I was sitting here checking out Facebook and reading one of my favorite blogs (shout out to My Army Wife Life) when I realized I hadn’t blogged in awhile.  Not that it matters since my readership is pretty sparse, but anyways:)

I blogged earlier about pursuing my graduate degree and I have started it!  Yay, me.  I am in my first class and it is going well.  It is online so we use “Learning Teams” and have to figure out how to meet virtually.  It has been an interesting experience.  I am completely shocked by the lack of computer savvy some of the students possess.  It seems that if you are taking courses completely online you should know the basics of Microsoft Office.  That’s just me, though.

My husband is finally coming home within the next 10 days or so (Army time, so who really knows?).  He gave me a tentative date but OPSEC dictates that this information not be given out in a public forum, so I shall abide.  I cannot WAIT for him to get home so we can move and start working on that baby.  I don’t think I have ever been so excited about something (and if you ever knew me, you would know that a baby was never at the top of my list).  Hitting your 30s seems to do something to ya!

I officially go back to school (to teach) on August 17.  I have already worked for the last two weeks in my classroom and things are coming along nicely.  This shall be an interesting year, to say the least.  My husband also starts school on August 17.  He took the school option with his last reenlistment and is excited about his “relax” time.  I told him his “relax” time will be filled with moving since I am working full-time and attending classes.  He is so happy about that! LOL.  He wants to move as badly as I do so it’s all good. 

I am happy that I am not writing a rant about anything, even though I think as my course’s progress, and the school-year begins, I just may.  To all of my readers (all 3 of you), thanks for taking the time to read my random thoughts! COMING SOON… to Green Ramp:)

OMG!!!

Soooo….I was just sitting here and my mind is racing.  I love how the human mind works.  Earlier I was thinking of a song by Joe Diffie and kept singing, “We got a love bigger than the Beatles, wild and free like the Rolling Stones.  We got a love takes us higher than the Eagles.  Ain’t life such a sweet, sweet song!”  And now, I was thinking about the bumper magnets I just sent out to Joey’s family that say “We Love Our Hero, SSgt. Joseph Wiseman.”  I ended up wishing that my love for Joey and his love for me would be enough for the world.  It feels like people have to judge no matter what.  Is our relationship perfect?  No.  Is any?  Here’s how I measure a relationship… How committed are both people to making it work?  OMG!!!! We are amazingly committed.  We both could have hauled tail by now!  Do we get mad at each other or annoyed about certain things?  Yes!!!! Do we get over it?  Hell, yes!  Do I still see my husband in my future visions as being this amazing father and wonderful husband who really cares about both me and our children?  Yes!!! He is already and amazing husband, we are just waiting for him to get home for the father part.  I am amazingly excited.  I cannot even hold it in!  I know we are planning on getting pregnant in September but if he were here now, I would do it now.  I am tired of admiring other people’s children. I hope that doesn’t sound crass but I can’t wait to have my own.  Some people who know me will know how weird it is that I am obsessing over this.

Meanwhile…time is dddddddddddrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggg by!!!! Every single night I briefly imagine that Joey is on his way home to surprise me and he is gonna walk in at anytime.  If only…

Anyways…just getting some stuff off my chest.  LOL! Hope you enjoyed!

There Is No Justice, Not Really

You know what I love?  I love paying for tire service and saying thank you to thieves.  I had a patch put on a tire and my tires rotated and balanced at Wal-Mart today.  My payment for being a loyal customer?  One of their “mechanics” stole my IPod Touch.  I am PISSED!!!  I noticed it as soon as I got in the car.  I took a good twenty minutes to search every nook and cranny to make sure it didn’t fall out and end up in a weird place.  I called the place where it was washed even though I know I had it after I left there.  Then I finally went back into Wal-Mart, without ever leaving the parking lot and told them my IPod was missing.  The lady I spoke to was very understanding and just all around wonderful.  I tried not to accuse anyone because it could have been a mistake. Maybe it fell out when they were servicing the car, who knows.  She took me to the supervisor who was wonderful as well.  He went to security who reviewed the tapes.  Shocker upon shocker, they didn’t see anyone stealing my IPod.  Of course they didn’t!  They did it after leaving the bay beyond the boundary of the security cameras.  Needless to say, I drove home seething and am kind of surprised I didn’t hit anyone or get a speeding ticket.  I left the store as soon as the security person gave their report.  I was so made that I couldn’t speak.  I finally cooled off for a little while when I got home and decided to file a police report.  Luckily, I have the original package with the serial number.  It will be entered into a national database.  I am not sure how much good that will do but it’s better than  nothing.  I called the store manager as well and told her about the situation.  She said she will “research” it.  Still waiting on that call back and probably always will be.

The reason for the title is this.  I am not sure there is really justice in this world.  Police justice or Almighty Justice.  It seems like bad people get away with just about anything and the innocent people get the shaft.  I am not saying I am pure.  I speed 9 miles over the speed limit.  That is the only law I have purposely broken and that is only because society says its okay.  People who lie, cheat, steal, and murder get away with it all the time.  If we can’t catch a simple thief, how do we expect to catch the bigger criminals?  I have never really been a victim of a crime, and I am lucky that way (until now).  It sucks!  It makes me doubt a system that I once planned on working in as a lawyer.  I am so naive in some things.  It’s hard to have your eyes opened at 31!!!

Three Years

Dear Joey,

It is hard to believe we have already been married for three years.  I wish we could do it all over again!  We would be a little wiser this time and maybe have less difficulties than we did but I think it has helped to make us the couple we are and we are much stronger for it. 

I am so excited for the plans we are making.  More than anything, I am just excited that you will be home soon.  I am tired of just wishing you were here. 

It’s no fun “celebrating” our anniversary when you aren’t here.  There really is no celebrating.  I can say it over the phone but anniversaries were meant for spending the entire day together, not separated by oceans.  I guess I shouldn’t complain too much, however, since we did spend our first two anniversaries together.  That is more than some people get.  I can also look forward to spending our next one together, God willing.

I have been very emotional lately and cry at the drop of a hat and since you know me, that is not how I usually am.  I don’t cry on the phone, I know, but talking to you doesn’t make me sad.  It’s the other moments throughout the day that you aren’t here for, even the seemingly insignificant ones. 

I love you baby!  And even if life goes on without you, it is never truly complete unless you are home.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!  I hope it is the best day possible given the circumstances.

Love always and forever,

Princess Victoria

Baby On My Mind

I am not someone who ever thought I would be ready to have a child of my own.  Maybe it was selfishness, maybe fear.  Most likely, it was both.  I felt like timing had to be absolutely perfect.  I wanted to make sure I was in the perfect marriage, have my masters, etc.  I guess the biological thing is true because all I can think about as of late is having a baby.  I now know that there is no truly “perfect” marriage, at least not the ones you see in the movies (although, to think about it, I cannot think of one example of the perfect marriage in movies either).  A marriage is as perfect as the two people in it.  I found that the perfect marriage to me is one where both people are willing to work their damn hardest to make sure it works.  I have that and, as a bonus, a husband that I know, for a fact, will be an amazing father.  I know I will be the disciplinarian in the family and that any child we have will have him wrapped around his or her  little finger, but that is okay, as long as he backs me up, and, he will.  I have decided to pursue my master’s degree online starting as soon as I get word my financial aid goes through. 

So here is how perfect the timing is:  Joey is coming home from deployment and immediately starts his school option, I will be taking online courses for my masters, we will be moving, I will be working in a brand new grade-level, and we will be trying for our first child.  How’s that for excellent timing?  LOL!  That’s okay though because I am ready, no matter what.  I am pretty sure it’s hard at any time so let’s do it all at once!  I work better under pressure anyways.  Yes, I married a soldier who is gone a lot, but I also married this wonderful man who will do whatever it takes to make sure I have the support I need, even if he has to do it from half-way around the world.  The getting pregnant part can’t be done from that distance (or at least wouldn’t be nearly as fun) so….yeah:)